On January 7, 2003 Carine Philipse recorded this song:
You, who called me from myself,
to be YOU,
to be YOU,
to be YOU,
who I really am,
who I really am,
who I really am,
You sing in me Your name,
You sing in me Your name …
'Op de Hoogte': Monthly magazine of the Remonstrant Hague Municipality, Johan Goud: Arminian preacher and professor at the university of Utrecht.
It is one of the many texts in this diary that comprises 333 pages. I thought it was an overwhelming experience to read this collection of songs, prayers, descriptions and reflections. Carine Philipse is a friend of this church and worked as a Remonstrant minister in Hoorn as well as hospital minister. In 2002 she ended up in a critical situation: this being due to illness, divorce and wrong medication. Although intuitions and insights had fulfilled her for a quite a long time she was entirely unprepared for the mystical breakthrough experience that took place on January 1, 2003, at her kitchen table while preparing a service for Epiphany. “Suddenly I was overwhelmed by an experience of unity with God that totally overwhelmed me. Joy, peace, tears. As the experience went on the me – my self – became less and less. Only God was there. “
A great number of these texts collected in this book might cause irritation. But what can a reader do other than surrender himself and allow himself to be touched in the very depths of his being ? This in itself is not unique. These authentic written texts, which are without rhetoric, have a good deal in common with the poems of Ouwens, or the writings of Hammarskjold as well as the reflections of Etty Hillesum and indeed with the texts from mystics of bygone times. Needless to say they are all very impressive. However it is more useful to ask yourself the following question: How does it affect me and why?